Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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