i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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