If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
