If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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