you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
