just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
