how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
