actually, I'm a sock model
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I deserve this hangover.
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