did you get engaged???
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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