If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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