if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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