they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you inspire me to be a worse person
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
