Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I have post one night stand depression
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
