Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
