I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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