i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
organizing the empties. That sober.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
