This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
