Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
