So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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