i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
