it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
