last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
