so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
In America we eat man semen.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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