no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
