We're facebook friends in real life
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you had me at cake vodka
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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