Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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