We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
