his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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