Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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