my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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