Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
