I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
