Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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