I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
