I could make wine with my vomit
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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