In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
