There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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