Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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