You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
