My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
