I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
