I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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