She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
