Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
