u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
