She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
