Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
