A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
