Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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