You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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