Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you inspire me to be a worse person
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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