so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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